Blog from the founder of the charity Little Troopers. Military wife and mum sharing thoughts and feelings of being a British Armed Forces family.

Little Troopers is a registered charity supporting all children with parents serving in the British Armed Forces, regular or reserve. We provide fundamental resources, initiatives and events to ease and aid repeated separation periods aiming to keep parent and child connected and bonded even when miles apart

29 Aug 2017

Readjustment

Now I am not entirely sure if this readjustment phase I wanted to blog about is something other people go through or if it is just something I feel? As I said in my previous post I want to blog throughout this latest deployment and all the thoughts and feelings I journey through to bring strength to other military families also experiencing separation, so we all know we are not alone.



A week or so before my husband goes away for a substantial period of time I seem to distance myself, I detach myself from him to prove in my head I can do it alone. This isn't ideal for anyone because it often ruins that last week or so before a deployment but...it is how I process the situation. It is me proving to myself I am not dependent.

And then he goes.

I always allow myself a week or maybe 10 days to readjust. It is never plain sailing at the beginning because often it is the middle of the night they get up and go or they get delayed, it is always subject to change so in your mind it is hard to feel in control.

Once he's gone my initial feeling is always sadness, I feel very vulnerable and alone. Doing a load of washing his boxers are still in the laundry basket, his ironing is still in the pile, his slippers are still by the bed and this brings waves of sadness, it seems such a huge mountain of time to climb until he comes home.

Once that washing is done I won't let myself wallow for more than a day or so it is then time to dig deep, form a routine and be strong. I know I can do this, I always do, it is just remembering how.

My coping mechanism is always to make plans, weekends are the worst especially Sundays so I make sure where I can I see friends or family or have a day out with my girlie, being busy really does make time pass quicker. I have been using the weekly planner template from Little Troopers to help, you can download it for free HERE



This time there is some intermittent WIFI for a week or so which means some what's app messages so I know he's OK but we haven't spoken since he left. When I talk to people outside the military they can never quite get their heads around what we go through, it seems normal to us but so alien to others. It is a strange concept I guess to be apart for months with limited communication.

Do you go through a period of readjustment? 
What is your experiences of the first part of deployment?

Nearly a week in now so we are getting in a routine but at the very bottom of the big time mountain, with the odd letter from the postman reminding me that there is a soldier shaped gap in our home right now.

So far only one wobble and that was when one of our fish died and I had to flush it....theses things ALWAYS seem to happen just as they walk out the door!!!

Love Louise xxx

To 'keep busy' we went exploring in the countryside

23 Aug 2017

It never gets any easier

Firstly I feel really bad that the blog has been somewhat neglected! its nearly a whole YEAR since I last wrote a blogpost but the charity work with Little Troopers has been so so busy with the launch of our Little Troopers Treasures app and the Little Troopers at School project, can't believe its August already.

I tend to want to blog when I am in a reflective place wanting to share my thoughts and feelings on a situation I am in. As I always say I am living and breathing this military family life...my husband is serving, I have a daughter, we living in military housing, we move a lot...I am right there with all of you who are also living it.

At 0300hrs my husband got up in the night put on his uniform and went out the door, we won't see him again for a few months as he deploys overseas.

He has been away so much in the 17 years I have known him, we've been married 14 of those years. I've been a serving soldier, I have been the one going away on deployments and it really is easier being the one going away, you are busy and distracted, surrounded by people 24/7 so time seems to pass faster. He would probably disagree!

Many say to me "you must get used to it I suppose" Nope, I don't "it must get easier" Nope, it doesn't "you are made of strong stuff, you'll be fine" Yup I am and I am sure I will be. BUT I absolutely feel it gets harder the longer I am in this game, I get more anxious, it takes longer in that readjustment period once they have gone and I seem to miss him more. Its like wading through treacle sometimes.

On the positives I have learnt over the years how I deal with separation best, I now have the awesome Little Troopers community to draw from, I have developed coping mechanisms and my friends right by my side. So it isn't all treacle wading!

This time he hasn't gone anywhere dangerous "at least he's not going to war" yes I suppose all those people who have said that to me the last week are right, he isn't and thank god because I really didn't cope well with Iraq or Afghanistan and I truly believe those deployments changed me as a person (that's another blog post) but wherever he goes it is away, there is a time difference, communication is sporadic and I can't bloody ring him to tell him the cat has been sick on the bloody carpet AGAIN and I hate cleaning it up.
Even the cat didn't want him to go!
My Little Trooper is not so little she's 14 now and very aware he's going away for a few months and got a bit moody about it but didn't want to talk, she clung on to him a little tighter last night when he said goodbye. She's good company when he is away and once the Summer holidays are over routine will prevail! Teenagers are hard though, just like babies and toddlers are, it is just a different set of challenges....should I let her go to Thorpe Park on her own?! suddenly I have to make that decision on my own because he is away and I really don't know the answer.

I will blog throughout this deployment because I want every other military spouse out there with a partner away to know we are all finding our way through this military life, we are all in this together and hopefully can take strength from each other.

I'm right here living it with you. 

I text my husband when he was boarding his flight and said "I'm sad" and he replied "Don't be poppet be positive, it will go quicker" he's right...lets be positive, together.

Love Louise xxx